Eli Goldsworthy.
Degrassi Community school.
Writer.
"I wish I could write as mysterious as a cat."
-Edgar Allan Poe

"A minute of perfection was worth the effort. A moment was the most you could ever expect from perfection."
-Chuck Palahniuk


This is only a roleplay, children.

Well I wash it, and then I brush it. 

Well…yeah I guess so.

Thank you? 

There Were Stars

misfit-clare:

eligolds-worthy:

Eli felt a sense of pride fill him as he so confidently assured her that things would be fine. It seemed as though it had only been days ago when he’d shown up at her house, disheveled and broken, terrified for what the future would hold for the two of them. He breathed easy, the gentle music and cool spring breeze putting him in a trance, not to mention the love of his life curled up next to him, reminding him with every breath that she was the best thing in his life. “No, I have to say we’ve come a long way, Edwards.” He responded softly, a sad chuckle falling from his lips at her final phrase. “I’m afraid when it comes to us…things are very rarely fair.” Eli explained, though a smile spread across his lips. “-But I think that’s what makes us so incredible. Have you ever met another couple that’s gone through even half of what we have?” He asked, a slight teasing tone in his voice as he thought back to what their first relationship had been like. “It’s never perfect, we’ve never been lucky, and things don’t usually go our way, but I think that’s what makes us so amazing. We’ve been knocked down so many times, it’s like being with you…makes up for it all.” His words slowly began to trail off as he spoke, and he was suddenly very glad that he’d opted for an outside date. A thought popped into his head, one he often explored, but had never been courageous enough to share. He glanced down at her, and his lips twitched into a small smile. With a shaking breath and his fingers effortlessly toying with her auburn curls, Eli realized that this was something he never wanted to let go of, this moment, this love. It was something that could never be broken, and they’d have to be careful to make sure it stayed that way. “Would it make you uncomfortable if I told you that I want to spend the rest of my life with you?” 

Sucking in a deep breath as his question filled the air between them Clare was thankful that her head was laying on his chest and he couldn’t see the darkening blush that was creeping up her cheeks. Replaying his question over and over in her mind like a broken record she picked apart each of his words overanalyzing and dissecting them looking for someway to distract her from the thoughts that were tumbling through her mind. It wasn’t that his question had made her uncomfortable because it hadn’t. She’d be lying if she said she had never thought about the possibility of them getting married long after they both finished college and had steady jobs, but daydreaming about that and having an actual conversation about spending the rest of their lives together were two very different things. “No,” she settled on after a few minutes of silence. “It wouldn’t make me uncomfortable.” Clare wondered how much courage it had taken him to ask her a question like that. Somehow laying under the stars with her head on his chest and his fingers combing through her hair it was easier to admit the things that they were otherwise too shy and embarrassed to admit out loud. Like the thoughts they each held about their future and growing old together. With his confession out in the open Clare only thought it was fair to admit something that had been running through her own mind during their brief discussions of the future. “S-sometimes when I can’t sleep I think about… about us and our future and the possibility of spending the rest of our lives together,” she blurted out the confession making her already red cheeks darken. Thankful for their position and the darkness that surrounded them she was grateful that he couldn’t see the way that her words were making her react. “That probably sounded silly though. I guess what I’m trying to say is the more that I think about the end of summer and the thought of you leaving the more real it becomes. I think we both know this long distance relationship is going to be hard, but thinking about it makes me realize how much I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I don’t want to end up like my parents and I know you’re going to tell me that we’re nothing like them, but they were young and in love too and they got married and had kids and things didn’t work out for them and I’m worried that it won’t work out for us either,” she mumbled. As the words left her mouth she realized just how crazy she must have sounded in the quiet night. While her parents divorce had happened a long time ago it still stung thinking about it. All of her life she had been taught that divorce was wrong and to see her parents marriage crumble right before her eyes was something that she worried she’d never fully get over. It didn’t help that her contact with her dad had all but stopped since then only making her more confused and hurt. While a small, rational part of her knew that they weren’t anything like her parents ending up like they had was a still a fear that dwelled in the back of her mind no matter how many times Eli reassured her otherwise. “I’m probably not making any sense right now am I?” she asked as she curled her body closer against his own.

He let out a breath at her simple response, a smile curling onto his lips at the mere thought of being this happy with another person for the rest of his life, it seemed almost unfair. It warmed his heart to think that during her restless nights, her thoughts could drift to him, and their relationship, that she could think of their happiness and find enough peace to whisk herself into a gentle sleep. He remembered their countless arguments when he’d attempted to convince Clare that they were not her parents, and they would never be, but no matter how often he repeated the mantra, it never seemed to stick. He chuckled a bit as she moved in closer, shaking his head in response to her question. “It makes sense that you feel that way, but we’re nothing like them, we truly aren’t.” Eli explained, wondering if there would ever be a day that she’d accept the way that things turned out, wondering if she’d ever truly move on, but the better part of him opted not to ask, in fear of hurting her feelings or having her believe that he was insensitive to the situation. “I know that what happened was hard on you, and I know that it still is, but realistically, we’re nothing like your parents. Sure, they were young, but there are tons of young couples out there that do stay together. I think we could be one of them.” His voice was soft, not a hint of bitterness in his tone. “I’m never going to do to you what your dad did to your mom, okay?” He added, moving his hand to her shoulder and giving it a gentle squeeze. He moved from beneath her, quickly letting his body hover over hers so that his arms held him up on either side of her head, laughing softly as he did so. “I’ll love you forever, Clare Edwards. That is a guarantee.” He whispered, their faces close. Leaning in, he let his lips graze hers, their breath mixing before he finally pressed his against her own in a gentle manner, his eyes fluttering shut at the sheer bliss of it all. Just like all of their kisses, he saw sparks, his body practically went numb from the intoxicating feeling and he was tempted to never break apart, but he did, and as he did so a smile spread widely across his lips, like a child who’d just won a game. “Should I be getting you home?” Eli asked regretfully, their lips still brushing one another’s. 

Bit of a heavy question.

I love her because of all the things that make her who she is. I love her intelligence and her compassion, I love her strength and her way with words. I love Clare Edwards because she was there when I thought everything was crumbling beneath me, because she believes in me and I believe in her. Because she’s beautiful, and talented, humble and a bit of a dork, but I couldn’t imagine myself with anyone else.

It’s difficult to explain, I suppose, but I guess you could say, in the simplest of terms, I just do.

Probably, but I didn’t really plan any of this. It just happened.

More than words could every express. 

There Were Stars

misfit-clare:

eligolds-worthy:

As his fingers wove through her hair, Eli remembered the time he spent next to her, curled up in her bed, pink sheets covering their bodies as he threaded his fingers through her hair in the same manner, using every technique he could think of to get her to fall asleep when she’d been having so much trouble. He smiled out of pride when she’d mentioned that she liked it, her voice soft, almost tired, and he couldn’t help but laugh a bit as he wondered if it was because of what he was doing. Eli rolled his eyes at her question, wondering why she always doubted herself, as if he’d run away. “Incredibly weird, Clare.” He teased, keeping his tone low. “I like listening to you talk, too.” His heart sunk at her next set of words, and though he couldn’t wait for the endless possibilities NYU would provide him with, he had really began dreading the end of their time together. He knew that it would come to an end, and when things were all said and done, they’d be together again, but still, imagining going an entire year without her made his body ache, knowing that it would not have the pleasure of being curled up next to hers. “I’ll miss you. I’ll miss everything about you. The way you talk, the way you curl your hair, the smell of your perfume, holding your hand…everything.” Eli admit to her softly, though it wasn’t much of a confession, for these were things he’d said before, though maybe he’d said them differently. “-But when everything is done, all of those little things we missed so much will seem even better.” 

Eli was right, Clare knew that he was right, but it did little to stop the aching pain in her chest as she thought of their time apart that was quickly approaching no matter how the two tried to deny it. “They say that… distance does make the heart grow fonder,” she whispered finding little comfort in the often heard quote. It was hard to imagine a year without him. A year without laying next to his side like this basking in the comfortable silence that often fell over them, a year without holding his hand, going out on dates, seeing each other in the hallway at school, lying to her parents as they planned sleep overs. A year without that and so much more. The thought left a bitter taste in her mouth and as hard as she tried to take back her words and forget about this conversation she was the one who had brought it up in the first place. Moving her head back down to his chest she felt the need to reassure both of them again that they’d be okay, that they’d get through this and while it would no doubt be difficult handling a long distance relationship they had been through so much more than that. But as his fingers continued to weave through her hair gently untangling her curls and as her eyes fluttered closed again she realized she didn’t have to reassure him of their future or the state of their relationship for they both already knew, had already committed, vowed to make them work this time no matter what and a little distance wasn’t about to change that. His words tugged her lips up into a reluctant smile and she hummed in agreement. “You’re right, when we do finally see each other again we’ll appreciate the little things and each other so much more. Did you ever imagine after we first met we’d up like this? Laying together under the stars in your backyard talking about sleep overs and rock concerts? I don’t know… sometimes it’s just hard to believe everything we’ve been through and it seems like now that we’re closer than ever we’re going to have to be saying goodbye to each other again for a year… in a way it doesn’t seem fair.”

Eli felt a sense of pride fill him as he so confidently assured her that things would be fine. It seemed as though it had only been days ago when he’d shown up at her house, disheveled and broken, terrified for what the future would hold for the two of them. He breathed easy, the gentle music and cool spring breeze putting him in a trance, not to mention the love of his life curled up next to him, reminding him with every breath that she was the best thing in his life. “No, I have to say we’ve come a long way, Edwards.” He responded softly, a sad chuckle falling from his lips at her final phrase. “I’m afraid when it comes to us…things are very rarely fair.” Eli explained, though a smile spread across his lips. “-But I think that’s what makes us so incredible. Have you ever met another couple that’s gone through even half of what we have?” He asked, a slight teasing tone in his voice as he thought back to what their first relationship had been like. “It’s never perfect, we’ve never been lucky, and things don’t usually go our way, but I think that’s what makes us so amazing. We’ve been knocked down so many times, it’s like being with you…makes up for it all.” His words slowly began to trail off as he spoke, and he was suddenly very glad that he’d opted for an outside date. A thought popped into his head, one he often explored, but had never been courageous enough to share. He glanced down at her, and his lips twitched into a small smile. With a shaking breath and his fingers effortlessly toying with her auburn curls, Eli realized that this was something he never wanted to let go of, this moment, this love. It was something that could never be broken, and they’d have to be careful to make sure it stayed that way. “Would it make you uncomfortable if I told you that I want to spend the rest of my life with you?” 

I-I don’t know…I didn’t mark it on a calendar or anything, I just fell in love with her.

Again, don’t know, but if it comes to that, I will gladly wait. 

There Were Stars

misfit-clare:

eligolds-worthy:

Eli hummed in agreement, not quite finding the will to let his voice soil the sound of hers. How soft and angelic it was to him, how she could say anything and he’d be stuck in a trance. Listening to her proposition, Eli smiled as he nodded, thinking of how nice it would be to have there own mini-camping trip in his backyard. His eyes opened quickly at her nervous rambling about prom, and he couldn’t help but grin at her stuttered words and squeaky voice. “I think that sounds like a perfect idea.” He responded calmly, opting not to torture her for her nervous antics, considering he’d been in the same place when they first began their date. Though he’d been in the same boat, Eli still found it strange that Clare felt so nervous to ask about sleeping over. They’d done it before, stayed with one another over night. There hadn’t been any pressure, and the two had remained perfectly respectful as they laid side next to one another, only going so far as to wrap their arms around the other, pulling them into a loving embrace that neither would remember doing when they awoke. Running his fingers through her hair, Eli glanced at their bodies, how perfectly molded together they were. “You look beautiful.” He reminded her, keeping his voice soft. “I was reading something the other day that I think you’d like…” He began, softly beginning to describe the plot and the author’s background. “Something about , ‘if we want to leave our wound,to separate, it makes a new knot for us and condemns us to drain our blood and burn together’.” Eli told her from memory, knowing that at this point he must have just been rambling, but he couldn’t seem to stop once he’d started. One of his favorite things about the two of them was the way they had so many things in common, yet contrasted so drastically. Twirling a curl between his fingertips, he finished, letting out a gentle sigh as he did so. 

Clare exhaled slowly as his calm voice filled her ears agreeing to her idea about prom. The nerves that had been flowing through her body still lingered as she imagined him picking her up for prom and instead of dreading a curfew that would cut their night short like it so often did during their dates she pictured them spending all of prom together before coming back to his house and falling asleep wrapped up in one another’s arms. It was a sweet image that filled her mind though it only served to make her wish they could do exactly that tonight. His gentle voice flowed through her ears as he recited something he had stumbled across while thinking of her. His fingers curled around her wavy locks as his once strong voice trailed off, his words coming to an end. “You’re right… I do like that,” she murmured sleepily. Something about the gentle way he wove his fingers in and out of her hair and the way that his voice settled over her like a blanket on a chilly night always made her relax, and often times she felt like he was the only thing that could get her to relax like this. “Would it sound weird if I said I like listening to you talk?” she murmured picking at a loose thread on the blanket. Laughing quietly at the strangeness of her words she wracked her brain trying to clarify what she meant. Coming up short on words in her comfortable and relaxed state she shrugged her shoulders helplessly seemingly giving up on trying to explain or at least make any kind of sense tonight. “Your voice… it’s calming and I like when you recite things you’ve memorized to me. I guess… I guess this is one of the things I’m going to miss most. Listening to you talk and laying here like this. I know we’ll still talk on the phone, but I don’t think the phone does your voice justice which sounds weird and I suppose I’m rambling again,” she finished her words coming out rushed. A feeling of guilt settled in the pit of her stomach for bringing up his eventual leaving at the end of summer. Worry that she had somehow ruined their otherwise perfect date left her with an unsettling feeling, one that she couldn’t seem to shake no matter how hard she tried. Searching for someway to distract him of her thoughts she lifted her head from his chest before settling it on his shoulder. Glancing up into his darkened eyes, one she could almost make out in the dim setting she shrugged her shoulders again before speaking up so softly she was almost afraid he wouldn’t hear her, “I’m just going to miss you… and this.”

As his fingers wove through her hair, Eli remembered the time he spent next to her, curled up in her bed, pink sheets covering their bodies as he threaded his fingers through her hair in the same manner, using every technique he could think of to get her to fall asleep when she’d been having so much trouble. He smiled out of pride when she’d mentioned that she liked it, her voice soft, almost tired, and he couldn’t help but laugh a bit as he wondered if it was because of what he was doing. Eli rolled his eyes at her question, wondering why she always doubted herself, as if he’d run away. “Incredibly weird, Clare.” He teased, keeping his tone low. “I like listening to you talk, too.” His heart sunk at her next set of words, and though he couldn’t wait for the endless possibilities NYU would provide him with, he had really began dreading the end of their time together. He knew that it would come to an end, and when things were all said and done, they’d be together again, but still, imagining going an entire year without her made his body ache, knowing that it would not have the pleasure of being curled up next to hers. “I’ll miss you. I’ll miss everything about you. The way you talk, the way you curl your hair, the smell of your perfume, holding your hand…everything.” Eli admit to her softly, though it wasn’t much of a confession, for these were things he’d said before, though maybe he’d said them differently. “-But when everything is done, all of those little things we missed so much will seem even better.” 

There Were Stars

misfit-clare:

eligolds-worthy:

Eli smiled gently to himself as she adjusted closer to him. Her head resting carefully on his chest. It was a warm night, and the sky was scattered with stars, a perfect night to lay out, just the two of them. To let the drama be whisked away, and be themselves with one another, no pain, no bad memories. Just the two of them. He moved a hand to her perfectly curled auburn waves, running his finger through her soft hair, his eyes slowly fluttering shut at the calming feeling that settled over him. He could hear her every subtle breath as she remained close to him, serving as a beautiful reminder that she was there, she wasn’t going anywhere, and she’d be right beside him for a very long time. He wanted to fill the silence with something beautiful and poetic, something to tell her how much he needed her, how he felt like there was nothing else in the world that mattered but her happiness, to see that smile light up on that gorgeous face of hers. His content smile twisted into something of a boyish smirk, feeling himself becoming lost in the simple sound of her voice, those three words making him feel as though he could do anything. “Thank you, I’m rather fond of you as well.” Eli whispered in the same tone, a soft chuckle following before he clarified. “I love you, more than anything.” 

Clare couldn’t help but to roll her eyes at Eli’s words, biting back a teasing remark about how she hoped he would be fond of her after all this time. Choosing to stay silent instead she enjoyed the way his gentle I love you rolled off of his lips. To her there was no better sound than hearing those simple words and even after all this time it still never failed to make her heart speed up beneath her chest and her breath to hitch in the back of her throat. “I can’t get over how quiet and peaceful it is. It almost makes you want spend the night out here sleeping under the stars,” she commented her voice soft gentle. Before she could stop herself or think about what the words that were tumbling through her mind she was speaking up again, blurting the words out without giving too much thought or worry to what was being said. “I think we should do exactly that. Stay out here all night sometime this summer I mean. Obviously we can’t tonight because my parents know I’m with you and with prom coming up and the concert that’s probably too many sleep overs so close together and there’s only so many times I can tell my parents I’m spending the night with Alli and Jenna. A-assuming I’m spending the night at your house after… after prom that is,” she whispered suddenly feeling shy and a bit nervous, though she couldn’t understand why. Aside from his prom proposal earlier in the evening they hadn’t had a chance to discuss their plans for the night and with it still being a few weeks away she was almost afraid her bold assumption she would be spending the night at his house afterwards was too much. Too late to take back the words that had already tumbled from her pink lips she stayed silent half wishing the ground would open up and swallow her so she wouldn’t have to wait in agony for the sound of his voice to break through her over analyzing mind.

Eli hummed in agreement, not quite finding the will to let his voice soil the sound of hers. How soft and angelic it was to him, how she could say anything and he’d be stuck in a trance. Listening to her proposition, Eli smiled as he nodded, thinking of how nice it would be to have there own mini-camping trip in his backyard. His eyes opened quickly at her nervous rambling about prom, and he couldn’t help but grin at her stuttered words and squeaky voice. “I think that sounds like a perfect idea.” He responded calmly, opting not to torture her for her nervous antics, considering he’d been in the same place when they first began their date. Though he’d been in the same boat, Eli still found it strange that Clare felt so nervous to ask about sleeping over. They’d done it before, stayed with one another over night. There hadn’t been any pressure, and the two had remained perfectly respectful as they laid side next to one another, only going so far as to wrap their arms around the other, pulling them into a loving embrace that neither would remember doing when they awoke. Running his fingers through her hair, Eli glanced at their bodies, how perfectly molded together they were. “You look beautiful.” He reminded her, keeping his voice soft. “I was reading something the other day that I think you’d like…” He began, softly beginning to describe the plot and the author’s background. “Something about , ‘if we want to leave our wound,to separate, it makes a new knot for us and condemns us to drain our blood and burn together’.” Eli told her from memory, knowing that at this point he must have just been rambling, but he couldn’t seem to stop once he’d started. One of his favorite things about the two of them was the way they had so many things in common, yet contrasted so drastically. Twirling a curl between his fingertips, he finished, letting out a gentle sigh as he did so.